Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
