Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
