if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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