Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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