You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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