Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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