Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
