Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
