theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im holly from the hills drunk
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Of course I have a pirate flag
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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