I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
