Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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