dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
