I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
