census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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