May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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