I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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