Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
sex in a hospital.. check
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
