Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
