I look better un-naked...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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