I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
