how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
