K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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