A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
