Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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