So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
