when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
vagina is talking i cant
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
