cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We need to get me chipped asap
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
