Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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