Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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