Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
