I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
