Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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