you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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