It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
