i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
