Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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