remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my poor anus
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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