I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
