i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
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why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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