That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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