True but thats because hes a fetus.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Edward fifth and chaser hands
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
