Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
