this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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