i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
