you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
