i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
