If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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