Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
