i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
