Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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