i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
