Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
