Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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