I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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