It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
