And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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