the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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