I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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