I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
