it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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