If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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