Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
