I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
