do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
