Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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