I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
