I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
